GOOD THING JEFF KENT DOESN’T PLAY IN SAN FRAN

I couldn’t have re-written this any better so via Dead Spin …

Despite sporting the best gay porn 'stache in the majors today, Jeff Kent on Thursday girded his loins took a stand against gay marriage; scribbling a check for $15,000 to the Yes on Proposition 8 people. The California proposition would ban same-sex marriage by imposing a California constitutional amendment that would define marriage as being between a man and a woman. Kent's official residence is in Austin, Texas, and thus he can't vote on the matter (someone tell me if this is wrong), but he knows there are married gay couples in the stands at Dodger Stadium. He can feel their eyes on him, looking him up and down, undressing him, seeing into his very soul ...

"Ahh!" (Kent wakes up, sweating, clutching framed photo of Clay Aiken). Here in California, we have many strange, exotic items on our ballot for Tuesday. Prop 8 is one of the more confusing ones ... just remember if you live here and are voting on this, yes means no and no means yes on this one. Latest polling seems to have the no's ahead, 49 percent to 44 percent, which means Kent had better get out there and start knocking on doors if he doesn't want that 15 grand to go to waste.

But we have other hard-hitting issues as well. Prop 2 is the chicken initiative, in which a yes vote means that farm animals cannot be jammed together into small pens (that's leading by a wide margin). Also I believe they must have TVs.

Anyway, as our governor would say, "Don't fahget to vote, Cal-ee-fohnians."